Dear Evil Microbe,

I don’t recall inviting you to visit with us this Christmas, but thank you for volunteering to spend your time with us. I really appreciate how you kept my youngest up all night long heaving and creating extra laundry for us. It was very thoughtful of you to cause my middle child to become a lethargic whiny mess all day long yesterday. The fever late in the evening after we thought you had left her was an unexpected extra bonus as are the numerous soupy diapers we have had the honor of changing throughout the day today.
 
I want to especially thank you for your most recent gesture regarding my mother. She has enjoyed your visit so much that she has chosen to stay here with you instead of going to go visit her 6 week old granddaughter.

I am looking forward to calling several extended family members to inform them of your presence in my house and figuring out how to manage the large volume of food in the refrigerator that was intended for them. Seven people can manage to consume the amount of food it takes to feed 15. I suppose that is why you helped us make the decision to stay home to eat it all rather than go visit my sister and her family.

I must say that I am a bit miffed that you have neglected to share your love with myself, my husband, and my oldest son. I suppose you have just been too busy with the others to bother with us so far. Perhaps you are simply wanting to surprise us on Christmas?

Once again, thank you for choosing to spend your precious time with my family during this busy Christmas time. I know you are busy and made a special effort to be with us right at this moment.
Sincerely,
Your Gracious Hostess